332,531¥ (Chapter 19 of 38)

With Gil's strange guests staying in the shed it's not easy for him and Melvin to relax. But at least the visitors are keeping quiet. Maybe a little too quiet. 

Transcript

Every time I had to bring food out to the dogs over the next week, I dreaded it. It’s hard to believe that I could be so afraid of dogs that were so well-behaved, but it’s because of that very reason I was afraid. They weren’t at the door when I opened it, and they didn’t run to the bowls when I filled them, they didn’t jump up and plant their dirty paws on my chest, they didn’t shit in the corner if I didn’t take them out the first minute they started whining (actually they did shit in the corner because I was afraid to let them outdoors), they didn’t stick their noses in the first crotch that happened to walk by, and they didn’t spend the night barking because they were in a place they didn’t like. In other words they were the exact opposite of Dan. And speaking of him, one time I brought Dan in the shed with me for protection, but even Dan was afraid of them, and he loved playing with other dogs. I actually had to drag him in through the door. So I guess he wasn’t much for protection, but I figured if they came at me, it at least might give me some time to get through the door if ol’ Dan was fighting them off for me. 

I had cardboard thrown on the floor for them, and at least they laid on that like dogs, but every time I would come through the door, they would stop what they were doing, and just sit there, following me around the shed with those creepy, smart eyes. I’m telling you, you’ve never seen anything like it under the sun. 

Melvin wouldn’t have anything to do with them. “I’m not even convinced they’re dogs.” 

“Well they’re not cats,” I said. 

“You realize the shit they’re doing with genetics these days? They might be half dog, half-octopus. Like a dogopus or something. Who knows?” 

“They only got four legs each last time I checked.” 

“I’m not talking about the legs, I’m talking about the brain. Octopuses are really smart. I’m just saying.”

“You got to do your part,” I said. 

“I did my part. This is your part. Remember?” 

“When are they being picked up?” 

“Soon. We never got an exact date. Around two weeks they said.”

“Who is ‘they’”? 

“Don’t know.” 

“Don’t know?” 

“Don’t know.”

“I’m almost afraid to sleep in my house with them dogs out there,” I said. “I had a mind to go stay in a hotel.” 

“Who’s going to feed them then?” 

“You will.” 

“I just told you I’m having nothing to do with those dogs.” 

I knew they were curious and checking everything out because even though they were always sitting with perfect posture when I opened the door, there were always things moved around. Weird things. Like a loop of electrical cord that was hanging off the corner of my bench was dragged off and in a tangle on the floor with one end plugged into the wall. I couldn’t remember if I had already plugged it into the wall or not. I guess they were playing with it? It wasn’t chewed on, but I couldn’t see anything else they could have been doing. Mind you, I didn’t actually catch them doing any of this. It was like I was harbouring three dogs and a ghost.  

And speaking of my bench, one of them had been gnawing on the leg at the bottom (although I didn’t notice that until weeks after they were gone). They made me realize I had a rat problem too, because I found two dead rats on the floor one day, left for me right at the door. Apparently, I also had a squirrel problem. And, you cat people aren’t going to like this, but a cat problem too. It wasn’t really a problem, I guess. Maybe the cat was there chasing the rats, but to this day I don’t have a sweet clue how Frank’s cat got in my garage. I felt sorry for the cat, but you know how I felt about Frank, so I would be lying if I told you I lost sleep over it.  

Then there was that day that I was sure I was going to be the next thing dead on the floor. I brought out the food and water like I always did, but as I was laying it down I noticed that one of the dog’s collars had come off, and was lying on the concrete floor in the middle of the shed. And well, even though the dogs creeped me out, they had never tried to harm me, so my curiosity got the best of me. I quickly walked over and snatched the collar off the floor. The dogs were watching me with their dark brown eyes as always of course, but the one that was missing the collar didn’t move any more than the others did. 

“How did your collar come off?” I asked. I tried to sound all casual, but I don’t think I fooled the dogs. They didn’t respond anyway, other than stare at me, like always. 

The belt looked like leather, but it didn’t feel much like leather, and there was a strange pattern on the back. And the buckle looked like steel but it didn’t feel heavy enough. I wondered if it was aluminum. 

“Don’t worry buddy, I’ll bring it back,” I said, and headed to the door, but when I turned around I heard the pads and nails of a dog quickly walking up behind me. I turned around and the dog with the missing collar was frozen about ten feet behind me, mid-stride, heading in my direction. He was crouched and frozen so perfectly still it was as if he was done by a taxidermist. 

“What are you doing buddy?” I said. He didn’t react of course, so I shrugged and turned around towards the door. Again I heard the pads and nails. I whizzed around and he was frozen again, but now about six feet from me, and the other dogs had come towards me too, about ten feet behind him, and also froze like him. It was like a game of Red Light Green Light, and they were the best players in the world. 

“All right, all right,” I said and threw the collar towards the lead dog. It bounced off his snout, but he didn’t even blink, let alone flinch, just kept staring at me. 

So this time I kept staring at them and slowly backed towards the door. “Woah, boys, relax,” I said, but my voice was trembling so much that it scared me even more. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t growling or even looked that aggressive other than that they were crouching. But that almost made it worse. What in the name of God kind of dogs were they? The devil himself had all the doings with those dogs.  

I didn’t turn my back to them again. I slowly backed towards the door, reached behind myself for the knob to turn, and scooted out through the opening I made. When I got outside I felt that familiar turn in my guts…

“Judas! That is the last time I’m going in that shed with them dogs,” I said when I got in the house. 

“Well I already told you I’m not, so you don’t have much choice.”

“Oh I’m going to feed them,” I said, “but I’ll be feeding them through the window. One of the latches is cracked off for the window next to the door. I’m going to open that, slide it over, put the food in through the window, and slide it back again. Yichen’s your uncle.” 

“Whatever works for you I guess.” 

“Do you know what your next mission is? If you choose to accept it?” 

“If I choose to accept it? It’s not that hard. It’s not impossible.”

“I’m not saying it’s a mission impossible – I mean an impossible mission. But you still should think about it. You shouldn’t just accept it right away.”  

“Nothing. No. I was just told to be ready.”

The next thing I needed to decide on was if I was going to keep my jobs, quit one, or quit both. If Melvin had a mission every two or three weeks, then it was not very likely that I would need the extra money, and I had a feeling that if I was working as much as I was now, I wouldn’t have the time to deal with anything that came up with any of the magas I was harbouring. EverythingStore was alright, but the school janitor job paid a lot more. I decided I had no choice but to give up the EverythingStore job. As much fun as I had standing in the doors all day saying hello to people and making sure they didn’t steal anything on the way out, I would have to keep the union job, even though they wouldn’t give me a second pension.

Emojoe didn’t take it well.

“You’re quitting? That’s too bad. Why, Gilbert Abrams? You are a model employee.” 

 “I love my job, but my old bones aren’t quite up to it anymore.” 

“The janitorial job should be just as hard on your bones.” 

“It is, which is why I can’t do both. The janitor job pays more.” 

“You should not base employment only on its monetary gain. Studies have shown that meaningful work is the cornerstone of a healthy and productive life. You appear to enjoy being a EverythingStore greeter.” 

“I know, but…” 

“You seem to be lost for words, Gilbert. Think about it for a day and reconsider.”

“Well, I already decided—"

“Think about it for a day and reconsider.” 

“But—" 

“Think about it for a day and reconsider.”

“Uh…okay,” I said and went to get ready for work, scratching my head at how I didn’t just quit like I had planned. I could just get myself fired, but that would mean I would have to do something stupid. No, I would just work the day and quit the next day. 

I got a call on my first break. It was Melvin. 

“The dogs are gone.”

“Gone? Gone where?”

“Fucked if I know.”  

“How did they get out?” 

“Through the window. They pushed it over somehow. Did you feed them through the window like you said you was going to?” 

“Yes, but I pushed the window back over.” 

“Well, they figured out how it worked and chewed off the latch. Then they pushed it over. Smart fuckin dogs.” 

“What are we going to do?” 

“Not much we can do.”

“Will they take…I’ll talk to you about it when I get home.”

“Yeah. Good idea.” 

Emojoe wasn’t happy when I told it I had to go home early. When I said it was a personal crisis at home it stared at me in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time before it decided I was telling the truth. I guess because in a way I was. I heard Emojoe could tell if you were lying, but maybe that was just a story. I don’t know what it would have said if it thought I was lying. So it let me go home, without pay of course.  

I felt like throwing up on the way home. If the dogs were gone then there was no chance they were going to let us keep the money, but I also knew how stubborn Melvin was. It might literally take gunpoint to make him pay it back unless he had it spent already, which was one hundred percent possible. 

“Outdoors or…” I pointed at the paper on the counter. 

“Outdoors,” Melvin said. 

“They’re going to take the money back if we don’t find them dogs,” I said, once we were outside. 

“They’re not taking no money off me. I already got it, and they’re not getting it back. I did my part. This is your screwup, not mine.”

“You didn’t tell me you already had the money.”

“I only got it yesterday.”

“When was you going to give me my half?”

“Dad, you already got it.” 

“I already got it?” 

“Yeah, it was all set up. It’s in your account. Don’t worry about it.” 

“I didn’t even know it was there.” 

“Yeah, well, now you do.” 

“So what are we going to do about the dogs?” 

“We? We, aren’t doing anything. Like I said, that was your half of the bargain. I do the driving and you do the stowing.”

“Judas, Melvin, you don’t think that the people who owns them dogs might be a bit dangerous? Like you said, they’re not normal dogs. The army probably owns them or something.”

“Dad, you keep saying the “army.” It’s the military. The army is a section of the military. And did you say that the collar that came off the dog didn’t seem like a real collar? If you’re right it was obviously some kind of tracking device, so the owners probably know exactly where those dogs are, to the meter. To the foot.” 

“That might be true, but the dogs still got to eat and drink, and one collar is still in the garage.” 

“There was no collar in the garage for me to see, and if those dogs are as smart as I think I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. For fuck sakes they figured out how to open a window!” 

“Water wont be hard, but I don’t know about food. You really didn’t see a black collar?” 

“I’d say those dogs could knock down a pack of wolves, let alone a moose. No collar.”

“Okay, let's say you’re right about them finding the dogs, and you’re right that they can feed themselves. What makes you think they still won't be mad if they come here and the darn dogs ain’t here? You should send them an email telling them that the dogs got away at least.”

“It’s only one-way communication. I’m not allowed to send them emails. They wouldn’t answer if I did. How do you know they won’t come back this evening anyway? There’s nothing you can do.”

“Sure they might be just out in the woods here somewhere. Did you try calling them?” 

“No, and I can’t remember their goddamn names anyway. Can you?” 

“I’m not sure. I think one was named Toopy.” I cupped my hand over my mouth and shouted into the trees. “Here Toopy! Come on boy! Here Toopy! Come on!” Nothing. 

“Dad, none of those dog’s names was Toopy.”

“It was something like that. Here Tippy! Wasn’t one of them named after a vegetable? Yes, I remember. Here Carrot! Come on Carrot! Come on boy!”

“Who names a dog, Carrot? That can’t be right. Maybe it was Spud. That sounds like a dog name.” 

“Spud? No, that’s just foolish. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure it was Turnip.”

“No person on earth has ever called a dog, Turnip.”

“Well, whatever their names were, we’re in trouble if we don’t get them back.” 

“You keep including me for some reason.” 

“Well can you at least help me?” 

“What do you want me to do?” 

So we spent the rest of the evening driving around town to see if we could find the dogs. I never found the collar. And I never heard of them again. 

I wish. 

[the dogs escape and go on a killing spree across town killing cats]

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